'I love being a dad'

Jerry Buhler wasn’t certain he wanted to be a father and when he realized he did, health issues ruled out his becoming a biological one.

Buhler’s mother died when he was 8 years old and he was sent to live with his dad.

“I had never lived with (him) and I didn’t know (him),” Buhler said. “He was abusive. Because of my early life and the way I was raised I didn’t know if I ever wanted to be a father.”

Before his father’s death, the two were able to reconcile.

When he was able to leave his father, he said, “luckily, not legally, I was taken in by a family who just continued raising me.” His past experiences still make him doubt his parenting skills.

“Kids should have a stable life and I didn’t want them to live a life like I lived,” Buhler said.

His thoughts begin to change when his foster brothers and sister started having children.

“I decided I did want to someday be a father,” he said.

Buhler thanks the family of Sherry Preslar and her sister Vicky Gardner “who took me in and guided me in the right path. They were tremendous.”

“After illnesses, I learned I could not father children,” said Buhler, adding “I was lucky enough to meet Lucinda, who already had one child.”

Kourtney Leighann was 10 when the couple got together.

Buhler formally was a dispatcher for Poplar Bluff Regional Medical Center EMS and credits his EMS family for introducing him to his wife.

“We dated about a year and decided to get married,” he said. “During that time she talked about having more children.”

Buhler was pleased Kourtney’s dad was gracious enough to share his daughter and allow him to experience fatherhood.

Buhler, 46, said he and Lucinda are proud of their oldest daughter, Kourtney, who worked hard to earn her bachelor’s degree in business administration with a concentration in leadership change management from Saint Louis University. She is employed at Gamma Labs.

Wanting another child, the couple tried medical interventions of all types, but nothing worked.

“We finally gave up and decided it was not in the cards and decided to adopt,” he said.

Their medical history meant they were not candidates to adopt through the state.

“We had wonderful friends, Shannon and Dan Parker, who knew a girl who had two children and learned she was expecting again. She realized she could not make a living for another child while living in a women’s shelter,” he said.

Jerry Buhler, left, and youngest daughter Kay-Lynn take a break from baking. Photo provided

Prior to meeting their daughter’s birth mother, “we had several failed attempts to adopt. We would get up to the hospital to get the baby and the mother would change her mind,” he said.

With Kay-Lynn they went to several doctor’s appointment and where in the delivery room during her birth. The doctor handed Buhler the baby and he and Lucinda cleaned and dressed her for the first time.

“Saint Francis Medical Center was absolutely wonderful. They provided a private room,” he said. “We’ve had her ever since.”

Kay-Lynn was about 3 when Buhler became a grandfather for the first time.

“Bryson is 3 and Lord, he has been a handful,” Buhler said laughingly. He was accustomed to raising daughters.

“Kourtney met T.J. Hopkins, who had two children already, who are now my grandchildren. Mariah is 8 and A.J. is 4. Together, they will welcome Dallas in October and we will be a large family of nine,” he said.

Kay-Lynn will start first grade at Sacred Heart Catholic School this fall, where her big sister graduated eighth grade. Bryson also will attend Sacred Heart. Mariah attends O’Neal Elementary School and AJ is in daycare.

The years since becoming a father to Kourtney and Kay-Lynn “have been the best years of my life,” Buhler said with a big smile on his face. “The best thing I could ever imagine. I would not change a thing. I love being a dad.”