To the Editor,
On November 12th 2015 I woke up and got ready for my doctor appointment. It was an early one, I was one of the first to be seen that day. I was a little over 6 months along. Shortly before I left, I stood and took a picture of me and my big pregnant belly. Shortly after we arrived at Dr. Patty's office they called us back. We walked through the doors and I mentioned to the nurse how I hadn't felt my baby move yet. She took us straight back to the ultrasound room. Dr. Patty came in shortly after and asked about the movement. I again told them I hadn't felt him move yet and he said that I should have felt some kind of movement. My placenta had formed in the front which will make movements hard to feel but I hadn't felt anything. I had turned to google that month searching for answers and I had read about some women who never feel their baby move because of the placenta being in front. So I was a little worried but I had such a hopeful attitude. Dr. Patty started the ultrasound. The image that came across the screen is forever burned into my memory. I seen my little boy, so very very still. I looked at every inch of that screen looking for answers. He wasn't moving. I looked to where it shows the age of the baby, he was measuring 20 weeks and 1 day. He should have been measuring 24 weeks and 3 days. I looked at Dr. Patty and his saddened face said it all. I looked towards my husband and shook my head. The words that were said next still echo in my ears. "I'm sorry guys, there is no heartbeat."
I was taken to the hospital where I was taken to the labor and delivery floor. I was admitted and they performed several ultrasounds which all came to the same nightmare. My baby was gone. They began the induction. The nursing staff there went far out of their way to be there for me. They held me, hugged me and talked to me with such gentle care. They will always hold a special place in my heart. At 9:20 p.m. I gave birth to my baby boy. He was 9 inches long and weighed 15.8 ounces. The silence in the room after he delivered was deafening. I will never forget those silent screams. As perfect as he was, fully formed, and perfect in every way, he was so still. Gone, but perfect. I will always remember how much he looked like his father. You could see my husband all over his perfect little face. It was so beautiful. We named him Joseph Michael Allen Hillis. We held him, we kissed him, we cried over him, and we took a few sweet pictures of him. We spent several hours with him. Shortly after 8am we said our final goodbyes and I let the nurses take him. I was under the assumption that I would get to see him again at the funeral. I was so very wrong.
Thankfully with delivering him I was given answers as to what caused Joseph to die. His umbilical cord was so very short, maybe just a few inches. Where it connected to his little belly button it was also very narrow. I was informed that once he got so big he basically was cut off from everything and passed away. This was something that was unforeseen and could not be prevented nor fixed.
This was not my first loss of a child. In 2010, I had a miscarriage when I was almost 3 months along. When I lost the baby I asked the hospital if I could take the baby home, sadly the baby had already been taken to be disposed of to put it bluntly. I had mentioned this to the nursing staff of this with Joseph so they decided that they would keep Joseph in the nursery for me so that nothing bad would happen to him until the funeral home picked him up. Sadly, that wasn't until the next day. The day of the funeral I called the funeral home to ask about seeing him and that is when I was informed that Joseph had already been sealed off from me. His little body was in such bad condition there was nothing that they could do for him. In my greediness to keep Joseph safe I had in fact ruined every chance of ever seeing him again.
A few months later in my effort to control my grief I started looking into doing something in his memory. I wanted his name to live on. I was put into contact with a group called SHARE who then put me into contact with a group called SOBBS. That is when I learned of the Cuddle Cot. What a joy-able moment that was, and it was then and there that I decided, this, this is what I want to do. If this had my at my access, my entire story, no Joseph's entire story would have been so different.
A Cuddle Cot is simply a cooling device that is disguised as a bassinet. It is used to keep the baby cold to help prevent the changes that death brings. It gives the family one simple thing, time. Time not to be rushed, time to make the clock stand still during a time that everything seems to be moving so fast.
They are not cheap. With the cot, the moses basket and the stand they are roughly about $3000. But with high hopes, we started raising money for one. My family and I did yard sales, bake sales, car washes, we sold candy bars, we built and sold bird hoses and we sought after donations. Almost exactly one year to date of the start of us raising money, we reached our goal. Here we are today, donating this beautiful gift in the hopes that we are giving the next family, because yes sadly, there will be a next family, something that we were denied....time. We are so forever grateful to everyone who helped reach this. It is such a bittersweet moment....and this will not be the last that you here from us. We are not done, we will keep going, we will keep raising. We will keep placing these cots, because they are so desperately needed.
Special thanks to those who sent us donations!
Cotrell Funeral Service in Poplar Bluff
The Pit Stop in Piedmont Missouri
Morrison Worley Funeral Home in Piedmont
The Shooter's Shack in Poplar Bluff
Poplar Bluff Rehab in Poplar Bluff
Clark's Gas Station in Piedmont
Beaver Springs Campground in Piedmont
These business either gave donations or were kind enough to let us use their property to help us reach our goal and we are so forever grateful!
If anyone would like to make a donation for our second cot please do not hesitate in contacting someone. We have a bank account setup at The Bank of Missouri in Poplar Bluff Missouri, just mention that it is for the Cuddle Cot, and a GoFundme account as well. The GoFundMe account is www.gofundme/CuddleCots4MO.
If anyone has any questions please contact myself or LouEllen Goin.
Wanda Hillis
573-783-9333
LouEllen
573-778-6080