Mistakes repeated are choices

As voices were raised and good old Dad was pretty sure the girls were going to begin brawling over the most minuscule thing, I knew it was time to step in. Like two rabid racoons, the girls had begun moving towards each other, arms extended, chests poked out, each displaying a determination to show her sister who the boss was. It was quite a sight to see.

With looks of utter disgust, the girls halted their battle upon hearing my words. As I asked them what was going on, one of the girls said that her sister kept touching her and she was tired of it. As she shared her issue the other child quickly interjected that the only reason she was touching her sister was because her sister refused to stop calling her by a shortened version of her name, which for reference purposes drives her crazy.

Doing my best not to laugh — seriously, the racoon analogy was not far-fetched — I began inquiring as to why each girls must continue doing their best to mess with her sister. For the most part I knew the answer, just as any parent does. It’s a rite of passage which has been going on for generation after generation. I have learned over the years that siblings argue, siblings fight, siblings disdain their older or younger sister or brother almost as much as they love and protect them when the chips are down.

As the girls and I spoke, one of the girls disclosed that she really didn’t mean to use the dreaded name, it just slipped out. The younger sister countered the mistake claim with her own lawyerly defense that her touching wasn’t a mistake, it was merely payback, and she really didn’t do it for any other reason than to upset her sister. I knew I was in trouble and if I wasn’t careful, my laughter would derail any attempt to curb the girls’ behavior. As the temperature of battle subsided the girls and I discussed several things, including family, boundaries and, most importantly, a lesson which will be crucial throughout their lives.

I shared with the girls that mistakes are often unavoidable and can lead us to better understandings at times. We spoke about how mistakes repeated more than once are no longer merely a mistake but truly a choice on our part. Calling our sister by a name she has told us she dislikes isn’t a mistake, it’s a choice. As the girls pondered my words, I thought about how I truly deserved a medal or something for remembering that key truth.

I thought about how many times we rush into things making the same mistake over and over, dealing with the pain and frustration of messing up but seemingly destined to repeat the mistake again given the right circumstances. It isn’t until we see mistakes as they are and do our best to learn from them and not repeat them that the choice becomes a medium for growth rather than remaining stagnant. Grow, my friends, make your mistakes but learn from them, try your best not to make those mistakes a choice by repeating them.