Teaching the tough lessons hurts

I remember cringing as I heard my father say the words “this is going to hurt me more than it will you,” as I prepared to be disciplined for whatever mischief I had been involved in that day.

Those words always seemed ludicrous to me. How can it be that the one dealing out the discipline could feel worse than me, the one on the receiving end? It wasn’t until I became a parent myself exactly what my father meant with those words.

Just as the years helped me fully understand, this week’s action by one of the girls helped her.

While we headed out to cross country practice Monday, Riyann informed me that she felt “kind of bad.” Turning, I asked her why she felt bad, and she described that she was forced to give her little kitten a small “spankin’” because she was being “really bad.” She continued and drew a mental picture about how her kitten, Sky, had been picking on her sister, Mia. She said Sky jumped on her and began biting her head “real hard,” so she was forced to intervene.

My attempts to lesson her burden through explaining that the kittens were probably just playing and that everything would be fine seemed to fall on deaf ears. As we continued traveling, I could hear Riyann talking to herself.

She described how she felt really bad and that she was sure her beloved kitten would now be mad at her or even worse stop loving her because of the spanking. After listening for a short time, I assured Riyann that everything would be fine between she and her kitten.

I explained that as a parent, we are forced at times to discipline our children. I assured her that we parents don’t want to have to do it, but we must from time to time to ensure our children learn and remain safe. I explained that she just learned a valuable lesson about the true heart of a parent and how we at times must make unpopular decisions, which cause us pain, so our children can prosper. She stated she understood, but remained rather solemn until we returned home and her kitten welcomed her with her typical excitement filled romping only a kitten can do.

Being forced to learn the tough lessons in life many times creates a moment of regret and angst about how those affected by our actions will view us moving past those lessons we teach. As with both me and my child, we have learned that decisions must be made, some which we truly don’t want to make, but nevertheless, must be made to ensure a future of success for those we are tasked with bringing up.

Does it hurt some? Absolutely. But through the internal pain, we find that if we do it right, there awaiting our return, happy to see us, will be those special ones we truly care enough about to teach right from wrong.

Richard J. Stephens lives in Carter County and is the father of three little ladies ranging in age from eight to 29.