Some thoughts about the fears of a father

As excitement filled the air, I watched while my girls crawled into the car after their first cheerleading camp practice. My desire to inquire as to how everything went was overshadowed by both girl’s constant chatter about how “cool” and helpful, the older cheerleaders were and how they not only had a great time learning, but also learned a great deal. The girls continued describing to me and their mother, about everything which transpired, barely containing the enormous amount of excitement which resulted from attending. As a father I was excited not only for them but with them… Well at least, up to the point that they described their positions on the newly developed cheerleading team.

Through her constant chatter, Riyann began describing that both she and her sister had secured the much desired “flier” positions within the team. As Lilli began explaining that the team consists of two primary positions, the flier, and the base positions. My mouth immediately voiced my approval and excitement for their accomplishment as I noticed my mind begin processing the words which came out of their mouths. Without hesitation, my mind immediately rebooted. The reboot came rapidly as with the lowering of an iron clad, medieval gate, slamming to the ground as a means of protecting those inside. The only words I could effectively say, with a smiling face, to ensure my concern did not become apparent, were “did you say you are fliers?”

As the girls again, happily, explained that the flier position was “big” and they were both so proud to have been chosen since they would be the team member who is thrown into the air and at times, the top of the cheerleader pyramid. Fighting back my initial inclination to say “oh heck no” I continued voicing my excitement for them and their accomplishment. As the words of approval spilled forth from my lips, I held back my fatherly concern over not only one, but both, of my daughters being the one child who is thrust into the air while their fellow nine- and ten-year-old classmates are tasked with catching them. As visions of broken bones, bumps and bruises readily flowed through my mind like a 1920’s silent movie, I decided that good old dad shouldn’t rain on their proverbial parade of happiness but rather be as supportive as possible, hoping only that their love for the sport was short lived.

Anyone who has been blessed with the opportunity to welcome a child into their life, fully understands the difficulty of releasing the reigns somewhat. I remember several years prior as my eldest child entered her junior year in high school, I had to come to the realization that although protecting her was an imperative part of fatherhood, likewise was allowing her to experience life and being allowed to make more and more decisions with each passing day, sometimes resulting in mistakes, sometimes success. I found “letting go some” was one of the most difficult things I would face. Hoping only that my child grew to be successful and valued as a member of society, protecting her was truly my only duty. Allowing her to spend more time away, make crucial decisions, and choose her actions seemed counter to my storybook ending. As we know, children and teens don’t always make decisions which are well thought out, considering all aspects and ramifications. Safeguarding our children while allowing them to experience life is tough but necessary to mold them fully.

Although the thought of my children, flying through the air, falling into the waiting arms of their classmates does not rank high on my list of being a grand time, the experience they receive from their hard work and dedication to their sport can set a foundation for success within each of them. Understanding that to fully gain the benefit from this awesome thing called life, we must be willing to loosen the reins we hold over our loved ones, allowing them to experience life and all it safely has to offer. Although difficult, it’s imperative. As the week has continued and the girls continue their cheerleading journey, I have become a bit more relaxed. Hearing the girls make good choices and even voice their concern over such a short training season fills the void left by fatherly fear and replaces those fears with excitement over attending their demonstration. Of course, good old dad will be seated on the front row ready to spring into action and catch them if they fall. That’s just what we do.

Richard J. Stephens lives in Carter County and is the father of three little ladies ranging in age from eight to 29.